you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
