All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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