Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
