I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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