As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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