She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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