i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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