sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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