i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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