listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
