My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
