My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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