Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
