I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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