I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
