someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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