I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
