I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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