You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
