god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
