Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
