i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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