took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
