Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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