Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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