don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
