he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
