You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
