What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
