You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
