i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
