I look better un-naked...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
