you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
