Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
