Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
