You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
