OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
