lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
