So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
