census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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