I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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