i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
