They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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