they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
