I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
