just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
