i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
