how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
