You smell like stripper and shame
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
