guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
