i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
