Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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