just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
