Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
