Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
