Fuck appropriateness.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
