My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
